Vindicated

I believe in the power of words. I believe they change people’s lives for the better, and too often the worse. Hello, goodbye, I love you, you have cancer, how was your day? But sometimes words just aren’t enough. For example, words aren’t enough to explain how much I love my dad. Which is obvious by the tear that betrays me when I talk about how much his life means to me.

My parents use to joke that my first word wasn’t spoken until I was in middle school. Words were too special for me to share. My knowledge of words, of their significance was inadequate to express how I felt. I am not the kind of person that does a lot of things by just getting by. I choose a few things and put my all into them. If I can’t do the act complete justice then I see no point in acting.

So why write a blog?

Well, as much as I’d like to think my words matter I honestly doubt those who don’t hear them will ever miss them. Knowing that my life is but a vapor, here one moment and gone the next, was a lesson I learned early in life. Like I said, though, I believe in the power of words and how they translate from one life to another.

I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity in which he says the greatest sin is pride. Agreed. But the greatest sin can also be the opposite of pride, insecurity. It is quite easy to point out pride and insecurity, especially on our campus. Pride wears “Save Colonel Reb” stickers and insecurity wears XL T’s and cardigans to hide the hungry bones. Pride tells you to have the last word in an argument and insecurity tells you your self worth is bound in this human yelling at you like a dog.

I wrote these words down two months ago and once again saved them for a rainy day. Well, the weather outside has been cold, windy, and rain of the kind that beckons reading and writing. So I had no choice.

I read these words today by Dr. John Barger and just wanted to share!

Women are capable of and sometimes commit magnificent acts that manifest incredibly power and awaken in us men a profound awe, if not fear and trembling. Yet, when they love, they love quietly; they speak, as it were, in whispers, and we have to listen carefully, attentively, to hear their words of love and to know them...We cannot successfully demand the love of a woman or the love of God. We have to wait. And just as a woman’s heart is melted when she encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it, so God’s heart is melted and he is most tender and gracious to us when he encounters in us weakness accompanied by our humble admission of it.

I believe in the power of a quiet and gentle spirit manifested through words of choice, not chance. Choose to not let pride prevent you from embracing silence and insecurity to keep you from your great, magnificent act.

In case you haven’t notice, most of these blogs are reminders to myself. In the great words of Dashboard Confessional “I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.” Yes, I thought I was a rock star listening to them in high school. No, I wasn’t as cool as I thought I was.

- A

hello christmas.

believe it or not, christmas is happening. i love love love christmas. not just the warm feeling that seeps into my skin when the whole family is together by a fire or the james taylor christmas album playing on repeat in the living room, but the whole concept of christmas itself. the idea that God would step into a human body like a pair of pajamas, that he would live a real life and die a real death. that he would subject himself to the same pains, sorrows, aches, and brokenness that we feel here on earth in order to bring about a redemption that we would have never thought possible. i don't know how it works or why he chose to do things the way he did, but i think it's beautiful all the same.

God Felt

God’s Self poured into the form of Man—
Word to Flesh. Universe’s Splendor confined
in mortal’s shell—Son of God. Son of man.
Spirit fused with bone and

Blood. Forsook well-deserved Paradise.
Planted His feet on fingertip-molded
Globe, touched Creation and Felt:

Dirt caked between toes
and rain of prostitute’s tears swirling into mud.
Leper’s mangled skin melting
into smooth under His fingertips.

Tickle of salt-sweat tumbling down skin.
Cracked-dry tongue pleading for wet
And scratching of vacant stomach.

Pain of friend’s death
and hot tears of agony sliding down face.
Severed Roman ear sticky with coppery blood
Then reunited with trembling body.

Nail sinking into skin and embedding
In wood beneath. Fellowship of Father
Refused. Piercing pain of Trinity
Split.

Droplets of moisture gathering
on stone sepulcher thick with Dark and
Silence.

Crashing of Stone shattered. Cave
Flooded with torrent
of light. Victory of Death
Crushed. Creation
Redeemed through the beams of the Son.

-katy

Bucket List

Tis the season to cross things off my bucket list! There is something about the holidays that makes me extremely morbid. I like opposites and a good oxymoron so maybe this is just another one of my (many) (strange) quirks. Anyway, like any good quarter life crisis patient I have a bucket list of anything and everything from seeing a professional ballet to adopting a child to being a waitress (preferably on roller blades, but I'm working on that skill). I also apparently like parenthesis today, my apologies.

Anyway,I decided to share something I crossed off this summer that may seem like a no brainer to you but to me it was a highlight of the summer, and it is so easy to do. I ate a meal by myself. I'm not talking about heat up a Lean Cuisine and turn on Lifetime movie kind of solo meal. I'm saying dress up, go to a nice restaurant (cafes don't count) and enjoy a meal getting to know none other than you. I'm afraid with so much emphasis on technology and communication we've forgotten one of the most important conversations to have is with yourself. Intentional time with yourself is spent planning a special night for you and you. Order the fish or the duck, heck even send yourself a drink and dessert, I don't care. But ask yourself how are you doing? What's been going on in your life? What has been tough lately? What friendships have helped you move through this? What have you learned about yourself that you love? That you've grown to despise?

You may just find that you are the person you've been waiting for your whole life. I sure hope you find your fulfillment in the quiet of your mind, in the stillness of knowing that who you are was divinely inspired and cultivated.

- A

Throw Back

I went through my high school memory box today and found oh so many surprises. By far the best is my "boy book" that is disguised as a "shcool asignments" book. Yes, I spelled school "shcool." The Boy Book goes back to when I was 8 years old and was last updated when I was 16. An 8 year old entry says "Funny but not smart. Ugly but not mean." It also has an appearance from Kevin of the Backstreet Boys. Some classics are "He use to be bad but now he goes to church and doesn't cuss." We were 12 at the time. There's also a boy named "Palm Beach" because I couldn't remember his name. My friend Elise made an entry about her boyfriend Blane when we were 16 and they are still dating. (Awhhh) The best is that every page has a "Love Thermometer" to rate the boy from 1 (Cold Fish) to 7 (Super Hot.) Number 6 is called "Simply Sexy" and rating 3 is "Cute Buns" and 5 is "Kool Kisser." Keep in mind I purchased this book from Limited Too when I was eight. So I decided to write about some other things that take me back to the days when I was cool and had friends. (Yes, I had friends even though I would pretend to be a mermaid in the water.)

Flubber


Dunkaroos


Beanie Babies


Duck Hunt


Tamagotchi (I had a camo one)


And last but certainly not least, a membership to Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's Fan Club. We were all dedicated members!