Lets just stop pretending

I am an incredibly self-aware person; except when it comes to being underwater. For those of you who have accompanied me on a beach trip or spent considerable amount of time in a pool with me you might have observed or heard me talking about my alter ego: Star*. Star* is/was my mermaid until I experienced a cognitive epiphany this summer in which my mermaid name is now Lilly. Star*, as I had to correctly recall from the chaos in my brain, is in fact not my mermaid name but the name of my childhood imaginary unicorn that lives within the fences of the Memphis International Airport. I digress, and for blog purposes I will not use the word blogress for when I ramble in cyber world. Digress = real world. Blogress = cyber world. Glad we covered the basics.
To be honest, Lilly (should I make this a double name in true southern fashion and be called Star* Lilly? Lilly Star*?) is an ego that can only be experienced through observation. Therefore, you must invite me on any beach trips you take from now on because Lilly loves to frolic in the ocean waves and emerge looking as if the salt water and crashing waves phase her none. Mind you, Lilly is not someone I created to sound cool in one of those “I like really uncool things like watching Telly Tubbies alone or wearing Nike shorts and Uggs in Septemeber because they make me look cooler” ways. Lilly has been with me ever since I can remember living on the lake in the summers of my youth. Although at that time she was mostly confined to our hot tub because mermaids (at least my species) cannot live in lake water.
Anyway, Lilly is a real deal to me and there’s no pretending like I don’t pretend to be a mermaid when I’m in the water. That brings me to the purpose of this titular entry into the blogosphere.
Let’s just stop pretending…freshman year was as fun as our album quotes make it out to be, that we haven’t been burned by friends and relationships, that random hookups are edifying, that going out and “making bad decisions” brings you the joy it falsely promises, that we all try to act like we have it all together when everything is crashing around us, that a boyfriend or girlfriend will bring you that sense of security you long for, that no one else struggles with what you struggle with. Let’s stop pretending and see what happens.
The intention of this blog is not to look carefree, granola, hippie, Christian, or complete. The purpose is to say I am human. I make mistakes. I daily forget who I am and where I want to be. I have good days and I have terrible days. I make F’s on Brit Lit papers. I choose not to love others well because loving myself is easier. I am indecisive, hard headed, and I despise ketchup. I daily cover up my flaws and hope you, my friends, don’t see me for the emptiness that I can be. But I also love sleeping in late on a Saturday morning and watching cartoons. I love conversations over coffee and a great sales room. I like simple joys like napping in Rowan Oak and holding my hand out the window like an airplane taking off in the sky. I am 21 and I still play like a mermaid in the ocean.
- Star* Lilly
(Allie)